Quotes

Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“We are concerned with the fundamental interconnectedness of all things. Let me give you an example – when an acupuncturist treats toothache he sticks a needle in your thigh. Do you know why? No, and I neither do I. But I intend to find out.” - Dirk Gently

“Your cat is not lost, his waveform has temporarily collapsed” - Dirk Gently

"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them." Inscribed on the One Ring

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage." -- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing. " -- Captain Vimes ponders his problems (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

It's not enough to be able to pick up a sword. You have to know which end to poke into the enemy.-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)

The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight. -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind." -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Dick Dastardly: Stop the pigeon, / Stop the pigeon, / Stop the pigeon, / Stop the pigeon, / Stop the pigeon, / Stop the pigeon. / Owwwww, nab him, jab him, tab him, grab him, stop that pigeon now!

Up in smoke

Man has disguised himself as a woman while hitchhiking]
Man: Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I slept in a ditch last night, man, I was about to freeze my balls off, man.
Pedro de Pacas: Man, I didn't even know you had any, I wouldn't of stopped.

Sgt. Stedenko: Some asshole pissed on my leg!

Bill Hicks — ‘I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna keep building nuclear weapons, you know what I mean? What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize that we're all one?!’

CLS - We discussed the intricacies of our newfound telecommunicative powers.

"Somebodys gotta go back n get a shitload? a' dimes!" Taggart - Blazing Saddles

Hedley Lamarr: Go do that voodoo that you do so well! - Blazing Saddles

Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges. - Blazing Saddles

Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinkyyyy. Sign here. - Blazing Saddles

Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since. - Blazing Saddles

Bart: The hard part was inventing the candy-gram. - Blazing Saddles

5th ELEMENT
~ Korben Dallas: What's your name? Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. Korben Dallas: Good. That... that whole thing's your name, huh? Do you have, uh... a shorter name? Leeloo.~

Police: Are you classified as human?
Korben Dallas: Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

Mugger: Give me the cash!
Korben Dallas: Been here long?
Mugger: Yeah, long enough. Come on, give me the cash!
Korben Dallas: Is that a Z-140? Alleviated titanium. Neurocharged assault model.
Mugger: Yeah, yeah.
Korben Dallas: Good thing for me it's not loaded.
Mugger: [giggles] What do you mean it's not loaded?
Korben Dallas: You have to... push that yellow button to load it.
Mugger: [pauses, then laughs hesitantly]
Korben Dallas: Take your time.
Mugger: [continues to shake while reaching for the yellow button of the rifle]
Korben Dallas: You want me to - there you go.
Mugger: Give me the cash!
[Pulls trigger, but nothing happens]
Korben Dallas: [points gun at mugger] That's a very dangerous gun. Maybe you better let me hang on to this one for you, huh?
[grabs rifle and places it in rack of other guns]
Korben Dallas: You don't mind, do you?
Mugger: No!
Korben Dallas: You sure?
Mugger: No. Take it. I don't need it!
Korben Dallas: [giggles while pointing gun at mugger] That's a very nice hat.
Mugger: You like it? God!
[dances in front of Korben]

Korben Dallas: How many are in there?
Fog: I-I-I-don't...
Korben Dallas: Let's count.
[looks around the corner and counts the Mangalors in the room; draws back quickly]
Korben Dallas: Seven on the left, five on the right.
[turns the corner again and fires six shots in rapid succession]
Korben Dallas: Four on the left, two on the right.